I feel so validated: I am one of maybe six people in the universe who never, ever liked Seinfeld. Never made me laugh (and yes, I know the lines that have entered The Discourse, aka sponge-worthy), always just thought the whole damn show was mean mean mean. And the big "finale" was the meanest ever. So. Yes. He's shitty, his wife is shitty, and basically capitalism sucks especially in America where super duper wealthy folk like to pretend they "made it on their own" up by the bootstraps baby...which is the myth of US individualism that is *such* bullshit i can't even stand it. <meekly climbs off soapbox>
Ditto to everything you said! He’s so not funny, never was. The Seinfeld show sucked. My husband and I thought we were the only ones in the world who hated him. Nice to be in good company here.
This is the best thing I’ve read on Substack all month. I always hated Seinfeld. Most people looked at me like I had three heads when I told them I didn’t think it was funny. Thank you for writing this piece. It’s brilliantly written and oh so validating.
Jerry Seinfeld has never been told to shut the fuck up by a woman before and it shows. (Perhaps Julia LD got one in, but I’m guessing not.) Anyway, it’s crucial developmentally for men to be told to shut the fuck up by women and I can always tell when someone hasn’t and Jerry has that exact hubris. In fact he’s avoiding it. He speaks to women rarely and only clearly in scenarios where he won’t be told to shut the fuck up. Unfortunate, because he needs to experience this so badly.
I think AOC would be the perfect woman for the job. 😁
And also - SUBSCRIBE! What a great piece. I’ve always thought Seinfeld was an unfunny jackass and people gave me all kinds of crap for it. I’m a stand-up comedy junkie and he’s never made me do anything but roll my eyes.
Brilliant, Jennifer. I have never been able to stand Seinfeld, and have never seen an episode of his show. I think of him as a “Did you ever notice how bad airplane food is?” kind of wildly unfunny comedian. I did see one episode of “Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee,” but only because it had one of the funniest people ever, Garry Shandling. There was an exchange in it that so perfectly sums up the shallowness of Seinfeld that I just went back and transcribed it for you in case you never saw it.
Seinfeld: You know, David Brenner passed away last year. Do you ever think about, like, all that material —
Shandling (laughing): I’m sorry. So I’m at a stage of my life where I actually care about the person. Here’s what I thought you were gonna say. “Did you ever realize when David Brenner died, and Robin, the actual impermanence of life?” I never thought, ”There goes a lot of material.” That’s hilarious that you think that way.
Seinfeld: Well, that was the hard part. Anybody can just pop out and live. That’s easy. Hey, all that material, he worked so hard on it, it’s just gone, it doesn’t mean anything to anyone anymore, and it took so much work to create it.
Shandling: That material, and your material, is purely a vehicle for you to express your spirit, and your soul, and your being. And that’s why you’re fantastic.
Seinfeld: So it doesn’t have any value beyond that?
Shandling: It doesn’t have any value beyond you expressing yourself spiritually, in a very soulful, spiritual way. It’s why you’re on the planet. GOD! Open up the sunroof. What year is this!
Seinfeld is insufferable. And while we’re at it, I’ve never been able to stand Larry David either.
And perhaps that insufferable shallowness is what shines through everything Seinfeld touches. He apparently believes that his shallowness expresses all there is to know about people. I wonder if he understood what the movie “Shallow Hal” was all about? Nonetheless, Garry Shandling attempted to give Seinfeld some substance in their conversation that Seinfeld could not comprehend. It isn’t funny. It’s horrific.
I JUST saw the film, SHALLOW HAL, for the 1st time, and although it barely broke 5O Rotten Tomatoes, I thought it was not only funny as hell , but also brilliant as hell, in concept, COMMENT and technique, in illustrating and championing the rights and beauty of physically “less than perfect” people (not just women!). I loved how the camera revealed Hal’s Tony Robbins-altered perception of characters’ inner selves BEFORE we, the audience, got to see them how others saw then in “real life”. Brilliant! Not “shallow” A real “advocacy” movie, besides being clever and entertaining. Fuck Jerry Seinfeld’s shallow callousness!
I also hate him, in part because he doesn’t even respect his craft enough to not break and laugh *at his own jokes* ALL THE TIME. I rarely watched Seinfeld in its heyday but every time I did, there he was, smirk-laughing at his own material. He’s a bozo and this post brought me joy. Thank you!
So you wouldn’t have liked Rodney Dangerfield, or Richard Pryor, those guys. And all of you would have hated Sam Kinison.
So, I understand that not everyone likes certain entertainers, and JS, I get that too. But why the hostility towards capitalism? Most people don’t want to be wealthy. They want to be happy. I’m poor and good enough, not unhappy. I’m on a plain, as Kurt Cobain might say. I would like a home of my own. Other than that, I’m good.
You know what's crazy is I love Rodney Dangerfield. I just watched Caddy Shack, which I know by heart, again the other night and laughed so hard. "My arm, it's broken!" I wrote a piece recently about my dad, who I've described as having Rodney Dangerfield flavorings. (Reading your bio, you might like it. It's here on my Substack.) Richard Pryor was one of my all-time faves when I was a kid, particularly when paired with Gene Wilder in the movies Silver Streak and Stir Crazy, both of which are full of problems from a modern day lens. Sam Kinison, nope.
I have heard SO MANY well-known comedians talk about how incredibly kind and generous Rodney Dangerfield was to people - especially young stand-ups who were busting their ass to get their big break. It warmed my heart to hear that.
I like SK too, but I can understand why some people might not. Like his joke about people who live where the terrain is mostly sand. Not everyone can just get up and move.
I believe the difference between Dangerfield/ Prior /Kinison and Seinfeld is that with the first group, I can see the wink, the portrayal of a character, whether it is in their stand up or in a role. Jerry is just playing himself, a self involved douche.
I'm living for your They Suck book! BTW you'll love this: I published an op-ed in The NY Daily News as a rebuttal to Jerry's NYT pandemic rah rah op-ed about NYC; I called him out for writing it from his cushy Hamptons lair while people like me were riding it out there, whole families stuck in tiny apartments for months on end. I don't know if he read it, but soon after an interviewer asked him what he'd say to people who called him out on the fact that he wrote that op-ed from the Hamptons while they were stuck in the city. He dismissively replied, "Sorry I did better than you." FACTS.
I watched the whole of Seinfeld through the first Covid lockdown - alone, far away from family and locked up 23 hours per day (UK). It’s the only thing that kept me sane and I will be forever grateful for the company of a very talented group of actors & writers, the gift of daily laughter, and the NYC vibes.
Jerry was the star of that show, but far and away, Larry David was the brains and heart. When he said he was leaving, Seinfeld begged him to say and say Seinfeld couldn’t exist without him. He was right — the writers’ room could never truly mimic Larry David’s voice. You can thank Seinfeld, but much more credit should go to David. And by the way, David is not a schmuck!
I'm so sorry about your beautiful dog Jennifer, ever since I read that he walked up to Lisa Kudrow at a party, looked right at her, said "you're welcome" and walked away (implying Friends was only a success because it was on Thursday nights after Seinfeld) I've been utterly repulsed.
Thank you!!! His recent movie was a piece of shit. He has zero intellect or curiosity. And I remember him saying vile things about the REAL cookbook writer whom his wife stole from. He was never ever funny, unless you're into hearing that women should not wear lipliner.
I agree, I’ve never liked him. He was also the worse part of the show Seinfeld and as a stand up, it’s just a whine fest. Grow up Jerry or move into the shadows.
How do I know an Alpha Male? I was a cigar-smoking, dark sunglasses, US Army helicopter pilot surrounded by the finest Alpha Males our country has ever produced: Sensitive, caring, and decisive all-business men who defended their country with their lives and minds. Those of us who returned home have had to deal with the Jerry Seinfelds of our country in every aspect of our lives. Thanks to many like you who see through the smoke and mirrors of our culture, I have hope.
I find it amusing to watch the former “alpha comedians” having to come to terms with the fact that the world has moved on, and that to college kids these days, they are the sad equivalent of Bob Hope in the 1960s. (See also: Bill Maher) No, boys, it’s not that kids today are too sensitive and woke; it’s that you aren’t funny and kids today do not share the “common culture” required to see you as funny. I remember watching a late night talk show appearance (I really want to say it was Seth Meyers) where the audience just turned on Seinfeld for throwing the adjective “gay” into a description where it not only wasn’t relevant, but it was shorthand for a laundry list of stereotypes. It was kind of awesome to see the very moment he realized that he wasn’t universally celebrated for everything that fell out of his mouth. I have kids who were born on the border of millennial and gen Z (I think), and it’s interesting to watch them sort through old comedy and determine what does and doesn’t hold up, particularly when it comes to sex and gender identity. They’ve had gay friends since middle school. The only reason they know the stereotypes is that they took a university course on the queer-coding of villains and wacky relatives in media. But the stereotypes are nonsensical to them.
I never liked Seinfeld, even as a kid, and I think he has a lame sense of humor, and annoying face and voice. I don't know any of his other work, so normally I wouldn't shit on someone like that without reason, but after reading this post -- I, too, said what I said.
Hey, I'm really sorry about Brian, your dog. Losing a good dog is just the hardest. Also, thank you for pointing out what I've always thought: Jerry Seinfeld is the worst! I thought I was the only one to think so. I don't follow him or his wife to know anything about his shows or her scandals (though I loved your reference to her being a "recipe stealing bitch...be careful who you friends are"), he simply always gave me the ick.
Thank you, Brian was indeed a love. You have good instincts. The ick was warranted. "What did Caroline do, Helen?" I've been singing that song all day.
I feel so validated: I am one of maybe six people in the universe who never, ever liked Seinfeld. Never made me laugh (and yes, I know the lines that have entered The Discourse, aka sponge-worthy), always just thought the whole damn show was mean mean mean. And the big "finale" was the meanest ever. So. Yes. He's shitty, his wife is shitty, and basically capitalism sucks especially in America where super duper wealthy folk like to pretend they "made it on their own" up by the bootstraps baby...which is the myth of US individualism that is *such* bullshit i can't even stand it. <meekly climbs off soapbox>
Yes to all of this. You were right all along! The cheese stands alone but the cheese is strong, my friend. Xo
As you can see from this thread, there are way more than six of us.
I felt and feel the same way about the show. Awful.
Ditto to everything you said! He’s so not funny, never was. The Seinfeld show sucked. My husband and I thought we were the only ones in the world who hated him. Nice to be in good company here.
This is the best thing I’ve read on Substack all month. I always hated Seinfeld. Most people looked at me like I had three heads when I told them I didn’t think it was funny. Thank you for writing this piece. It’s brilliantly written and oh so validating.
Me! Too! Pick me! Pick me! I’ve long hated Seinfeld the man, Seinfeld the performer, AND ‘Seinfeld,’ Seinfeld’s career-making nihilistic TV program.
Long ago I left off paying attention to him, except by reading about his antics, saying, “Yup, still an asshole.”
Let’s never have coffee with him.
Not even hot chocolate
I am one of the six too! Never could understand his popularity.
Six or six million? The guy is a self absorbed whinger and all the adulation he collects makes the tendency even worse.
Same. Here's how to ruin a first date for me: "It's like that Seinfeld episode..."
YES! That's a perfect way to make me say "oh wow, look at the time, gotta go..."
Make it 7. I’m with you all the way. I just couldn’t stand Seinfeld! 😩
I f-ing hated that show and Never Ever watched it. When re-runs played over and over, I hated it again!
I never liked Jerry Seinfeld either. Nor Robin Williams, nor Steve Martin, nor Eddie Murphy. They all suck.
Did you like George Carlin ?
Yes.
Me too. On all counts.
Jerry Seinfeld has never been told to shut the fuck up by a woman before and it shows. (Perhaps Julia LD got one in, but I’m guessing not.) Anyway, it’s crucial developmentally for men to be told to shut the fuck up by women and I can always tell when someone hasn’t and Jerry has that exact hubris. In fact he’s avoiding it. He speaks to women rarely and only clearly in scenarios where he won’t be told to shut the fuck up. Unfortunate, because he needs to experience this so badly.
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Best comment ❤️👏
I think AOC would be the perfect woman for the job. 😁
And also - SUBSCRIBE! What a great piece. I’ve always thought Seinfeld was an unfunny jackass and people gave me all kinds of crap for it. I’m a stand-up comedy junkie and he’s never made me do anything but roll my eyes.
I like the idea of AOC being the woman who tells Jerry Seinfeld to “shut the fuck up.” Another candidate is Representative Jasmine Crockett.
Oh this is so delightful!!!!!
This brightened my day immensely. Thank you kind internet friend!
Interesting perspective.
Brilliant, Jennifer. I have never been able to stand Seinfeld, and have never seen an episode of his show. I think of him as a “Did you ever notice how bad airplane food is?” kind of wildly unfunny comedian. I did see one episode of “Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee,” but only because it had one of the funniest people ever, Garry Shandling. There was an exchange in it that so perfectly sums up the shallowness of Seinfeld that I just went back and transcribed it for you in case you never saw it.
Seinfeld: You know, David Brenner passed away last year. Do you ever think about, like, all that material —
Shandling (laughing): I’m sorry. So I’m at a stage of my life where I actually care about the person. Here’s what I thought you were gonna say. “Did you ever realize when David Brenner died, and Robin, the actual impermanence of life?” I never thought, ”There goes a lot of material.” That’s hilarious that you think that way.
Seinfeld: Well, that was the hard part. Anybody can just pop out and live. That’s easy. Hey, all that material, he worked so hard on it, it’s just gone, it doesn’t mean anything to anyone anymore, and it took so much work to create it.
Shandling: That material, and your material, is purely a vehicle for you to express your spirit, and your soul, and your being. And that’s why you’re fantastic.
Seinfeld: So it doesn’t have any value beyond that?
Shandling: It doesn’t have any value beyond you expressing yourself spiritually, in a very soulful, spiritual way. It’s why you’re on the planet. GOD! Open up the sunroof. What year is this!
Seinfeld is insufferable. And while we’re at it, I’ve never been able to stand Larry David either.
Let’s write “They Suck” together.
Hi Paul, this is such a great excerpt from Cars. I remember that episode! So much sucking to write about, eh? Plenty to go around. 😏
I own the url SoManyPeopleToFuckingDespise.com.
Are you accepting nominations?
❤️
And perhaps that insufferable shallowness is what shines through everything Seinfeld touches. He apparently believes that his shallowness expresses all there is to know about people. I wonder if he understood what the movie “Shallow Hal” was all about? Nonetheless, Garry Shandling attempted to give Seinfeld some substance in their conversation that Seinfeld could not comprehend. It isn’t funny. It’s horrific.
I JUST saw the film, SHALLOW HAL, for the 1st time, and although it barely broke 5O Rotten Tomatoes, I thought it was not only funny as hell , but also brilliant as hell, in concept, COMMENT and technique, in illustrating and championing the rights and beauty of physically “less than perfect” people (not just women!). I loved how the camera revealed Hal’s Tony Robbins-altered perception of characters’ inner selves BEFORE we, the audience, got to see them how others saw then in “real life”. Brilliant! Not “shallow” A real “advocacy” movie, besides being clever and entertaining. Fuck Jerry Seinfeld’s shallow callousness!
I thought I was alone in my dislike for those two. Nice to know that I have company!!
Yeah - I remember.
I also hate him, in part because he doesn’t even respect his craft enough to not break and laugh *at his own jokes* ALL THE TIME. I rarely watched Seinfeld in its heyday but every time I did, there he was, smirk-laughing at his own material. He’s a bozo and this post brought me joy. Thank you!
Thank you! Solidarity in our mutual disdain for this man. Xo
So you wouldn’t have liked Rodney Dangerfield, or Richard Pryor, those guys. And all of you would have hated Sam Kinison.
So, I understand that not everyone likes certain entertainers, and JS, I get that too. But why the hostility towards capitalism? Most people don’t want to be wealthy. They want to be happy. I’m poor and good enough, not unhappy. I’m on a plain, as Kurt Cobain might say. I would like a home of my own. Other than that, I’m good.
You know what's crazy is I love Rodney Dangerfield. I just watched Caddy Shack, which I know by heart, again the other night and laughed so hard. "My arm, it's broken!" I wrote a piece recently about my dad, who I've described as having Rodney Dangerfield flavorings. (Reading your bio, you might like it. It's here on my Substack.) Richard Pryor was one of my all-time faves when I was a kid, particularly when paired with Gene Wilder in the movies Silver Streak and Stir Crazy, both of which are full of problems from a modern day lens. Sam Kinison, nope.
I have heard SO MANY well-known comedians talk about how incredibly kind and generous Rodney Dangerfield was to people - especially young stand-ups who were busting their ass to get their big break. It warmed my heart to hear that.
SK was hard to like. His jokes, his approach.
Loved Caddy Shack. Non sequitur: Ted Knight. "Keep it fair, keep it fair." still makes me laugh so hard.
Want to help me count me holy cards?
Hey kids how about a Fresca?
“You’ll have nothing and like it”
Actually, I liked Rodney fine and loved Pryor and Kinison. And Shandling and Michael O’Donoghue and Albert Brooks and Norm Macdonald.
I like SK too, but I can understand why some people might not. Like his joke about people who live where the terrain is mostly sand. Not everyone can just get up and move.
I also loved Louie, though he sure blew a brilliant career.
“Go where the food is!” He was admittedly not for everyone. My favorite is “It NEVER ENDS!”
I believe the difference between Dangerfield/ Prior /Kinison and Seinfeld is that with the first group, I can see the wink, the portrayal of a character, whether it is in their stand up or in a role. Jerry is just playing himself, a self involved douche.
But Jerry Seinfeld is pretty much family friendly, or at least not vulgar.
Corpsing/going up is such an amateur and unprofessional thing. If it wasn't his show, he would have ruined every take with his big stupid grin.
I'm living for your They Suck book! BTW you'll love this: I published an op-ed in The NY Daily News as a rebuttal to Jerry's NYT pandemic rah rah op-ed about NYC; I called him out for writing it from his cushy Hamptons lair while people like me were riding it out there, whole families stuck in tiny apartments for months on end. I don't know if he read it, but soon after an interviewer asked him what he'd say to people who called him out on the fact that he wrote that op-ed from the Hamptons while they were stuck in the city. He dismissively replied, "Sorry I did better than you." FACTS.
Oh. My. God.
https://www.nydailynews.com/2020/08/29/a-note-to-jerry-seinfeld-rich-new-york-and-real-new-york-will-always-see-the-city-differently/
Oh darn, it’s only available to subscribers
I'm so sorry! Goddamn paywall!
I watched the whole of Seinfeld through the first Covid lockdown - alone, far away from family and locked up 23 hours per day (UK). It’s the only thing that kept me sane and I will be forever grateful for the company of a very talented group of actors & writers, the gift of daily laughter, and the NYC vibes.
I love George Costanza.
Jerry was the star of that show, but far and away, Larry David was the brains and heart. When he said he was leaving, Seinfeld begged him to say and say Seinfeld couldn’t exist without him. He was right — the writers’ room could never truly mimic Larry David’s voice. You can thank Seinfeld, but much more credit should go to David. And by the way, David is not a schmuck!
Hey, Jerry. Archie Bunker called—he wants his nostalgia for women's suppression back. (And he was satire, 50 years ago.)
Jerry Seinfeld is the Archie Bunker of Don Drapers
My aunt’s neighbor used to cook for the Seinfelds and didn’t have nice things to say about Jessica, if you need any more fuel for your fire 😂
I'm so sorry about your beautiful dog Jennifer, ever since I read that he walked up to Lisa Kudrow at a party, looked right at her, said "you're welcome" and walked away (implying Friends was only a success because it was on Thursday nights after Seinfeld) I've been utterly repulsed.
Thank you. Oh wow, I never heard that story about Lisa Kudrow. What a dick!
Right?!! Like leave Phoebe the fuck alone, she could not be any sweeter!😤
Who could be mean to Phoebe?
Lol, he’s gotta be the the first…and only? smh
Thank you!!! His recent movie was a piece of shit. He has zero intellect or curiosity. And I remember him saying vile things about the REAL cookbook writer whom his wife stole from. He was never ever funny, unless you're into hearing that women should not wear lipliner.
Agree on all points!
I agree, I’ve never liked him. He was also the worse part of the show Seinfeld and as a stand up, it’s just a whine fest. Grow up Jerry or move into the shadows.
Grow up, Jerry!
This is the crux of the Jerry problem: arrested development. And misogyny of course.
Name a more iconic duo…ugh.
👏👏👏 thank you, this was beautiful. I’ve thought he sucked all along. What an unfunny tool who failed his way upward.
That dominant masculinity thing is hilarious. Yes, Jerry Seinfeld is the first guy I think of when I hear the term "alpha male".
I have lived my life surrounded by Alpha Males. And Jerry is not, and never can be, an Alpha Male.
How do I know an Alpha Male? I was a cigar-smoking, dark sunglasses, US Army helicopter pilot surrounded by the finest Alpha Males our country has ever produced: Sensitive, caring, and decisive all-business men who defended their country with their lives and minds. Those of us who returned home have had to deal with the Jerry Seinfelds of our country in every aspect of our lives. Thanks to many like you who see through the smoke and mirrors of our culture, I have hope.
Spend all your time with George and Kramer and you're an alpha male.
And he hates Kenny Banja? Kenny is a positive enthusiastic guy. Everybody else are creeps.
I find it amusing to watch the former “alpha comedians” having to come to terms with the fact that the world has moved on, and that to college kids these days, they are the sad equivalent of Bob Hope in the 1960s. (See also: Bill Maher) No, boys, it’s not that kids today are too sensitive and woke; it’s that you aren’t funny and kids today do not share the “common culture” required to see you as funny. I remember watching a late night talk show appearance (I really want to say it was Seth Meyers) where the audience just turned on Seinfeld for throwing the adjective “gay” into a description where it not only wasn’t relevant, but it was shorthand for a laundry list of stereotypes. It was kind of awesome to see the very moment he realized that he wasn’t universally celebrated for everything that fell out of his mouth. I have kids who were born on the border of millennial and gen Z (I think), and it’s interesting to watch them sort through old comedy and determine what does and doesn’t hold up, particularly when it comes to sex and gender identity. They’ve had gay friends since middle school. The only reason they know the stereotypes is that they took a university course on the queer-coding of villains and wacky relatives in media. But the stereotypes are nonsensical to them.
This! He’s just some guy who used to be funny….. maybe.
I never liked Seinfeld, even as a kid, and I think he has a lame sense of humor, and annoying face and voice. I don't know any of his other work, so normally I wouldn't shit on someone like that without reason, but after reading this post -- I, too, said what I said.
Hey, I'm really sorry about Brian, your dog. Losing a good dog is just the hardest. Also, thank you for pointing out what I've always thought: Jerry Seinfeld is the worst! I thought I was the only one to think so. I don't follow him or his wife to know anything about his shows or her scandals (though I loved your reference to her being a "recipe stealing bitch...be careful who you friends are"), he simply always gave me the ick.
Thank you, Brian was indeed a love. You have good instincts. The ick was warranted. "What did Caroline do, Helen?" I've been singing that song all day.
https://youtu.be/pWyOrbpGCpE?si=byhyGewaK7WBCstp
I bet his nutty riffs about people who love animals are hilarious.